• The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
• I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt. Then it clicked.
• Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
• I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
• To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
• Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
• Enough with the cripple jokes! ...I just can't stand them.
• Is google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
• Want to hear a construction joke? I'm working on it
• A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
• I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding.
• I have a few jokes about unemployed people. But it doesn't matter; none of them work
• The outcome of war does not prove who is right, but only who is left.
• 2 antennas met on a roof and got married. The wedding was ok, but the reception was incredible.
• Where do TVs go on vacation? To remote islands!
• Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet'.
• There was an explosion at a pie factory; 3.14 people died.
• There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
• I am selling my guitar, no strings attached!!
• I usually take steps to avoid elevators.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent:
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archaeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much:
Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
They say that alcohol kills slowly.
So what? Who's in a hurry?
Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive
One nice thing about egoists:
They don't talk about other people.
1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient.
2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion.
3. A man running in front of a car, gets tyred;
And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted.
4. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.
5. A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there.
6. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger wood!
7. Toilets are a great place to think.No wonder they are called "Sochalayas"..