Monday 10 October 2016

Funny Puns...

• The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

• I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt. Then it clicked.

• Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. 
Dirty Fellows.

• I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

• To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

• Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

• Enough with the cripple jokes!  ...I just can't stand them.

• Is google a woman?  Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

• Want to hear a construction joke?  I'm working on it

• A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

• I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding.

• I have a few jokes about unemployed people.  But it doesn't matter; none of them work

• The outcome of war does not prove who is right, but only who is left.

• 2 antennas met on a roof and got married. The wedding was ok, but the reception was incredible.

• Where do TVs go on vacation?  To remote islands!

• Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet'.

• There was an explosion at a pie factory; 3.14 people died.

• There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

• I am selling my guitar, no strings attached!!

• I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: 
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

Archaeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much:
Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

They say that alcohol kills slowly.
So what? Who's in a hurry?

Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive

One nice thing about egoists:
They don't talk about other people.

 Brilliant Puns: 

1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient.

2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion. 

3. A man running in front of a car, gets tyred; 
And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted. 

4. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.

5. A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there.
6. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger wood!

7. Toilets are a great place to think.No wonder they are called "Sochalayas"..