Sunday, 24 September 2017
Friday, 22 September 2017
Thursday, 21 September 2017
☢ Lightning sometimes shocks people... because, it just doesn't know how to *conduct itself*...
☢ A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period... it marks the end of his *sentence*...
☢ A rule of grammar... double negatives are a *no-no*...
☢ Sleeping comes so naturally to me... I could do it with my *eyes closed*...
☢ Atheists don't solve exponential equations... because they don't believe in *higher powers*...
☢ It's raining cats and dogs... well, as long as it doesn't *reindeer*...
☢ I relish the fact that you've *mustard* the strength to *ketchup* to me...
☢ My new theory on *inertia* doesn't seem to be gaining *momentum*...
☢ The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a *seasoned veteran*...
☢ What did the grape say when it got stepped on... nothing, but it let out a little *whine*...
☢ If you don't pay your exorcist... do you get *repossessed*...
☢ Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends... but, what would be the *point*...
☢ I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my
☢ A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.... a brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. "No. I'm the *chip monk*" he replies...
☢ Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring... the doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've *dyed* a little inside...
☢ What's the definition of a will... it's a *dead giveaway*...
☢ Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was *a-salted*...
New stock of pun time!
1. My best mates and I played a game of hide and seek. It went on for hours...
Well, good friends are hard to find.
2. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
3. I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m okay.
4. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.
5. eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
6. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
7. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
8. Don't spell part backwards.
It's a trap.
9. Our uncle died when we couldn't remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept saying, children "be positive," but life is hard without him.
10. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got hell.
11. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
12. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
13. How did I escape Iraq?
14. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero.
Thanks for nothing!
15. Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
Dad: "No sun."
16. My math teacher called me average.
17. Clinic Receptionist: “Doctor, there's a patient on line that says he's become invisible".
Doctor: “Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Wednesday, 20 September 2017
Tuesday, 12 September 2017
WHO BUILT BOMBAY ?
According to ancient history, a grouping of seven islands comprising Colaba, Mazagaon, Old Woman's Island, Wadala, Mahim, Parel, and Matunga-Sion formed a part of the kingdom of Ashoka the Great of Magadh, ironically in North India .
The seven islands of Mumbai passed through many hands, the sultans of Gujarat , the Portuguese and the British. Every ruler left behind proof of residence in Mumbai.
The Mauryans left behind the Kanheri, Mahakali and the caves of Gharapuri more popularly called Elephanta. The sultans of Gujarat built the Dargahs at Mahim and Haji Ali, the Portuguese built the two Portuguese churches, one at Prabhadevi and the other St Andrews at Bandra.
They built forts at Sion, Mahim, Bandra and Bassien. The Portuguese named the group of seven Islands 'Bom Baia', Good Bay . The British built a city out of the group of seven islands and called her Bombay .
The original settlers of the seven islands, the Koli fishermen, worshiped Mumbaidevi, her temple still stands at Babulnath near Chowpatty. The Kolis called the island Mumbai, 'Mumba, Mother Goddess'.
In 1662, King Charles II of England married the Portuguese Princess Catherine of Braganza, and received the seven islands of Bom Baia as part of his dowry. Six years later, the British Crown leased the seven islands to the English East India Company for a sum of 10 pounds in gold per annum. It was under the English East India Company that the future megapolis began to take shape, after the first war for independence Bombay once again became a colony of the British Empire .
History has forgotten this but the first Parsi settler came to Bombay in 1640, he was Dorabji Nanabhoy Patel. In 1689-90, a severe plague epidemic broke out in Bombay and most of the European settlers succumbed to it. The Siddi of Janjira attacked in full force. Rustomji Dorabji Patel, a trader and the son of the city's first Parsi settler, successfully defeated the
Siddi with the help of the Kolis and saved Bombay .
Gerald Aungier, Governor of Bombay built the Bombay Castle , an area that is even today referred to as Fort. He also constituted the Courts of law. He brought Gujarati traders, Parsi shipbuilders, Muslim and Hindu manufacturers from the mainland and settled them in Bombay .
It was during a period of four decades that the city of Bombay took shape. Reclamation was done to plug the breach at Worli and Mahalakshmi, Hornby Vellard was built in 1784. The Sion Causeway connecting Bombay to Salsette was built in 1803. Colaba Causeway connecting Colaba island to Bombay was built in 1838. A causeway connecting Mahim and Bandra was built in 1845.
Lady Jamsetjee Jeejeebhoy, the wife of the First Baronet Jamsetjee Jeejeebhoy donated Rs 1, 57,000 to meet construction costs of the causeway. She donated Rs. 1,00,000 at first.. When the project cost escalated and money ran out half way through she donated Rs 57,000 again to ensure that the vital causeway was completed. Lady Jamsetjee stipulated that no toll would ever be charged for those using the causeway. Today Mumbaikars have to pay Rs 75 to use the Bandra-Worli Sealink, connecting almost the same two islands. Sir J J Hospital was also built by Sir Jamsetjee Jeejeebhoy.
The ship building Wadia family of Surat was brought to Bombay by the British. Jamshedji Wadia founded theBombay Port Trust and built the Princess Dock in 1885 and the Victoria Dock and the Mereweather Dry Docks in 1891. Alexandra Dock was built in 1914.
A Gujarati civil engineer supervised the building of the Gateway of India . The Tatas made Bombay their headquarters and gave it the iconic Taj Mahal Hotel and India 's first civilian airlines, Air India . The Godrejs gave India its first vegetarian soap.
Cowasji Nanabhai Daver established Bombay 's first cotton mill, 'The Bombay Spinning Mills' in 1854. By 1915, there were 83 textile mills in Bombay largely owned by Indians.
This brought about a financial boom in Bombay . Although the mills were owned by Gujaratis, Kutchis, Parsis and Marwaris, the workforce was migrant Mahrashtrians from rural Maharashtra . Premchand Roychand, a prosperous Gujarati broker founded the Bombay Stock Exchange. Premchand Roychand donated Rs 2,00,000 to build the Rajabai Tower in 1878.
Muslim, Sindhi and Punjabi migrants have also contributed handsomely to Mumbai.
Apart from its original inhabitants, the Kolis, everyone else in Mumbai, are immigrants.
When the Shiv Sena came to power in 1993, and the original name Bombay replaced with Mumbai.
This article was written on February 7, 2010 by Tushar Gandhi, founder/president, Mahatma Gandhi Foundation, and the grandson of Mahatma Gandhiji.
Wednesday, 6 September 2017
The Cow (Essay written by a Bihari candidate for Class 8 exam)
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.
HE IS THE COW.
The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child). He is sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don't have any such attachment) What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. (gober) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes (like Pizza), in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards he chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by bowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the one end of the tail. This is done to frighten away the flies. Other end of the tail is the cow .
We have been informed that the candidate passed the exam. He is now DEPUTY CHIEF MINISTER in Bihar.
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