Friday 27 November 2015

'Disorder in the American Courts'

Read this Its awesome   These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!


Steve jobs’ Last Words -

I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.

In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days ...

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.

What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? - "Sick bed" …

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – "Life".

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – "Book of Healthy Life".

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends...

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.

∥ आयुर्वेदिक दोहे ∥

Image result for ayurvedic images↷↷↷↷↷↷↷∥∥↶↶↶↶↶↶↶
दही मथें माखन मिले, केसर संग मिलाय,
होठों पर लेपित करें, रंग गुलाबी आय..
बहती यदि जो नाक हो, बहुत बुरा हो हाल,
Image result for ayurvedic imagesयूकेलिप्टिस तेल लें, सूंघें डाल रुमाल..
अजवाइन को पीसिये , गाढ़ा लेप लगाय,
चर्म रोग सब दूर हो, तन कंचन बन जाय..
Image result for ayurvedic imagesअजवाइन को पीस लें , नीबू संग मिलाय,
फोड़ा-फुंसी दूर हों, सभी बला टल जाय..
अजवाइन-गुड़ खाइए, तभी बने कुछ काम,
पित्त रोग में लाभ हो, पायेंगे आराम..
ठण्ड लगे जब आपको, सर्दी से बेहाल,
नीबू मधु के साथ में, अदरक पियें उबाल..
अदरक का रस लीजिए. मधु लेवें समभाग,
नियमित सेवन जब करें, सर्दी जाए भाग..
रोटी मक्के की भली, खा लें यदि भरपूर,
बेहतर लीवर आपका, टी.बी भी हो दूर..
गाजर रस संग आँवला, बीस चालिस ग्राम,
रक्तचाप हिरदय सही, पायें सब आराम..
Image result for ayurvedic images१०शहद आंवला जूस हो, मिश्री सब दस ग्राम,
बीस ग्राम घी साथ में, यौवन स्थिर काम..
११चिंतित होता क्यों भला, देख बुढ़ापा रोय,
चौलाई पालक भली, यौवन स्थिर होय..
१२यलाल टमाटर लीजिए, खीरा सहित सनेह,
जूस करेला साथ हो, दूर रहे मधुमेह..
१३प्रातः संध्या पीजिए, खाली पेट सनेह,
जामुन-गुठली पीसिये, नहीं रहे मधुमेह..
१४सात पत्र लें नीम के, खाली पेट चबाय, दूर करे मधुमेह को, सब कुछ मन को भाय..
१५सात फूल ले लीजिए, सुन्दर सदाबहार,
दूर करे मधुमेह को, जीवन में हो प्यार..
Image result for ayurvedic images१६तुलसीदल दस लीजिए, उठकर प्रातःकाल,
सेहत सुधरे आपकी, तन-मन मालामाल..
१७थोड़ा सा गुड़ लीजिए, दूर रहें सब रोग,
अधिक कभी मत खाइए, चाहे मोहनभोग.
१८अजवाइन और हींग लें, लहसुन तेल पकाय,
मालिश जोड़ों की करें, दर्द दूर हो जाय..
१९ऐलोवेरा-आँवला, करे खून में वृद्धि,
उदर व्याधियाँ दूर हों,जीवन में हो सिद्धि..
Image result for ayurvedic images२०दस्त अगर आने लगें, चिंतित दीखे माथ,
दालचीनि का पाउडर, लें पानी के साथ..Akkii..
२१मुँह में बदबू हो अगर, दालचीनि मुख डाल,
बने सुगन्धित मुख, महक, दूर होय तत्काल..
२२कंचन काया को कभी, पित्त अगर दे कष्ट,
घृतकुमारि संग आँवला, करे उसे भी नष्ट..
२३बीस मिली रस आँवला, पांच ग्राम मधु संग,
सुबह शाम में चाटिये, बढ़े ज्योति सब दंग..
२४बीस मिली रस आँवला, हल्दी हो एक ग्राम,
सर्दी कफ तकलीफ में, फ़ौरन हो आराम..
२५नीबू बेसन जल शहद, मिश्रित लेप लगाय,
चेहरा सुन्दर तब बने, बेहतर यही उपाय..
Image result for ayurvedic images२६.मधु का सेवन जो करे, सुख पावेगा सोय,
कंठ सुरीला साथ में, वाणी मधुरिम होय.
२७.पीता थोड़ी छाछ जो, भोजन करके रोज,
नहीं जरूरत वैद्य की, चेहरे पर हो ओज..
२८ठण्ड अगर लग जाय जो नहीं बने कुछ काम, नियमित पी लें गुनगुना, पानी दे आराम..
२९कफ से पीड़ित हो अगर, खाँसी बहुत सताय,
अजवाइन की भाप लें, कफ तब बाहर आय..
Image result for ayurvedic images३०अजवाइन लें छाछ संग, मात्रा पाँच गिराम, कीट पेट के नष्ट हों, जल्दी हो आराम..
३१छाछ हींग सेंधा नमक, दूर करे सब रोग,
जीरा उसमें डालकर, पियें सदा यह भोग..